John Chaput, born and raised in Montreal, eventually morphed into a Westerner. A retired writer and editor, he occupies much of his time as president of Regina Little Theatre.
Illustrations by Kate Johansen
APRIL 24, 1184 BCE
According to tradition, it is on this date that the Greek army enters the besieged city of Troy by means of the Trojan Horse. Not everyone knows this, but the Trojan Horse is one of the first successful experiments in physical distancing. Instead of trying to send their whole army inside the city gates, the Greeks dispatched a small number, about 40 men. Once they emerged from their confinement, they moved about, deduced they were OK, and invited the rest of their guys to join the party.
(The author of Not Everyone Knows This has personally procured sponsorship for portions of this article. Those who wish to advertise elsewhere in SideOne should contact the Publisher. See Page 2.) (This instalment is sponsored by ConfineMint, the new chewing gum made especially for people stuck indoors by themselves.)
APRIL 19, 1904
Toronto Fire Chief John Thompson and Mayor
Tom Urquhart watch their city go up in flames and ruminate on a conversation they had a few days earlier. Thompson, seeking an increased budgetfor the fire department, had told the Mayor, “We are taking more risk every year. We are running on wonderful luck.” To which Urquhart replied, after the city’s controllers rejected the plea, “Oh, I guess we’ll have to risk it another year.” On April 19, fire broke out at a factory on Wellington Street West, near what is now TD Bank Tower, and the Great Fire of Toronto would destroy about 100 downtown buildings. Not everyone knew this, but the city had only five fire engines and was saved from worse catastrophe by rapid responses from Buffalo, Hamilton, Brantford, Peterborough and other municipalities. (Brought to you by Eau De Humanity, THE cologne for mass disasters. Eau De Humanity ... it’s not just for exploding zeppelins anymore.)
APRIL 9, 1917
Boris Michel Soso is born in Goldfield, Nevada. He will grow up to become an actor and take the stage name of Brad Dexter. Not everyone knows this, but Brad Dexter was in The Magnificent Seven, and you can prove that not everybody knows this by asking anyone to name the actors in that movie’s title roles. The typical answer is “Yul Brynner-Steve McQueen- Charles Bronson-James Coburn-Robert Vaughn ... uh, Horst Bucholz ... and ... mmmph ...” Dexter himself once stated, “I’m the one from The Magnificent Seven nobody remembers.” Dexter was also married briefly to Peggy Lee, a confidant of Marilyn Monroe, and a close friend of Frank Sinatra until he told Old Blue Eyes that marrying Mia Farrow was a bad idea. Now that you know that, maybe you’ll remember him. (Brought to you by Paws for Reflection, specializing in floor-level mirrors for your cat or dog.)
APRIL 5, 1943
Poon Lim, history’s most resilient castaway, is rescued after spending 133 days adrift in the Atlantic Ocean. Lim, a Chinese man working as a steward on a British merchant vessel, jumped overboard after the ship was torpedoed by a German U-boat and climbed aboard one of the emergency rafts that served as lifeboats. Not everyone knows this (even though it’s actually true), but when the raft’s rations ran low, Lim ate birds and used their remnants to bait fish. Once, he caught a small shark and, after yanking it aboard, beat it to death with a half-filled jug. That is a lesson we can all learn from in these exceptional times: If you’re about to spend, say, 19 weeks with nothing special to do, keep a half-filled jug handy. You never know when you’ll have to pummel a shark. (Brought to you by High Off the Hog, your one-stop outlet for cannabis-infused pork products.)
APRIL 13, 1945
Sgt. Leo Major, a native of Montreal, and a fellow Canadian corporal are reconnoitering the outskirts of Zwolle, The Netherlands, when two German soldiers spot them and open fire, killing the corporal. Major kills them back, finds a German officer who speaks French, persuades him that the Canadian army will shell their position the next morning and that evacuating would be a good idea. Major then dashes through the streets, surprises a succession of German patrols of eight to 10 men, and escorts them to the Canadian position outside Zwolle – more than 50 prisoners in all. By morning, the Germans have abandoned the city and Major has singlehandedly liberated Zwolle. On another occasion in Holland, Major – who had lost an eye to a grenade shortly after D-Day yet returned to action – captured 93 German prisoners by himself. Perhaps the most astonishing thing about this Canadian tale of valour is that not everyone knows this.
APRIL 4, 1964
Beatlemania rockets to its American peak when Billboard magazine releases its weekly Hot 100 chart and The Beatles monopolize the top five spots,a dominance that still remains unmatched. Not everyone knows this, but Paul McCartney (still dead yet very active) and Ringo Starr (still ubercool) are about to re-release those five songs with updates for today’s market: Can’t Buy Me Love (Until I Get My Relief Cheque From the Government), Twist and Shout (At the Person Who Won’t Keep His Distance), She Loves You (But Won’t Visit Until the Pandemic’s Over), I Want To Hold Your Hand (After You’ve Washed It For 20 Seconds), and Please Please Me (By Checking the Expiration Dates On Those Soup Cans). (Brought to you by MaskerRaid, the new facial covering that hides your identity, restricts the spread of viruses AND repels mosquitoes.)